Saturday, February 16, 2013

February 16, 2013

THE EXPLORE  GROUP- HAVE REQUESTED SOME PAPERWORK-  ON  WHICH I AM WORKING .
 
IT IS SUPPOSED TO INCLUDE A BIO  OF THE CEO ( THAT'S ME)
 
LORD LOVE A DUCK !
 
SO I HAVE WRITTEN ONE  BIO THIS MORNING- ACTUALLY I HAVE WRITTEN ABOUT 4 OF THEM-- AND NONE COME OUT LOOKING LIKE BIOGRAPHIES I HAVE SEEN  WRITTEN BY FANCY PEOPLE WITH LETTERS AFTER THIER NAMES. . 
 
THE PROBLEM IS
I DO HAVE SOME SIGNIFICANT EDUCATIONAL BACKGROUND-- ASSUMING THAT IS TH E CASE HOW DO I THEN  BECOME TH E  NATIONAL EXPERT ON PICKING UP POO WITH 2 PIECES OF CEREAL BOXES?? 
 
MY FATHER   WHO PAID FOR MY EDUCATION  -- IS PROBABLY TURNING OVER IN HIS GRAVE.
 
THEN I GO DOWN THE ROAD OF " WELL I DO HAVE SOME WELL EDUCATED FRIENDS  AND A COUPLE RELATIVES WITH  LETTERS AFTER THEIR NAMES..." 
 
BUT THAT JUST FILLS UP THE PAGES  AND I CAN NOT ACTUALYL SEE ANYBODY READING THAT STUFF;
 
HOW DO I EXPLAIN THAT MY REAL EDUCATION INVOLVES GETTING A DOG TO WILLINGLY CLIMB UP  A TREE AND STAND THERE WHILE WE TAKE HER PHOTOGRAPH.???.
*************
 
MANY TIMES I HAVE SAID  IF YOU GET A CHOICE BETWEEN SMART OR LUCKY--- TAKE ;LUCKY
**************
 
I REEMEMBER-.....
  I USED TO RUN THE NORTHERN SECTION OF THE WANT AD-   A WEEKLY CLASSIFIED MAGAZINE-  AND I RAN IT - RATHER LOOSELY-- FROM HOME DURING THE SAME TIME I WAS CHASING PIGS DOWN STORROW DRIVE AS ANIMAL EPISODES-- SAME 30 YEARS.. AT ANY RATE
 
TO UNDERSTAND WHAT I WAS RUNNING , BEING AN OLD MATH TYPE... I HAD - FOR MY OWN USE - DEVISED A  COMPUTER PROGRAM WHICH WOULD ANALYZE MY  WANT AD OPERATION ON ONE SHEET OF [PAPER--
 
MAINLY ON ONE SHEET BECAUSE BY THE TIME I TURNED OVER A PAGE I HAD FORGOTTEN WHAT WAS ON THE FIRST PAGE --MY MEMORY WAS HISTORIC THEN TOO
 
SO I WENT TO A MEETING WITH TH E COMPANY PRESIDENT--  WITH ME WAS  A GUY IN A BLUE SUIT ETC- THERE WIHT HIS REPORT OF THE OTHER 1/2  THE COMPANY.. IT WAS 1/2 INCH THICK-- THE KIND OF ACCORDIAN PAPER  WITH ALL TH E HOLES - ( YOU YOUNG FOLK MAY NOT REMEMBER)--HE HAD A BIG GOOD LOOKING WAD OF PAPER  WHICH HE LIFTED OUT OF HIS BLACK BREIFCASE.-- I HAD  ONE SHEET THAT I HAD TRANSPORTED BY FOLDING IN MY BACK POCKET. 
 
HERE COMES TH E IMPORTANT (LUCKY) PART...
 
I TOOK ONE LOOK AT HIS 1/2" THICK REPORT AND  SAID
 "IT IS WRONG.  I CAN NOT TELLYOU WHY IT IS WRONG.. BUT I WILL BET MY $2 ON IT IS WRONG"  
 
THE  SMALL GROUP LOOKED AT HIS POLISHED SHOES- AND MY BARN SNEAKERS--AND RAISED THEIR NOSES ( PROBABLY WITH GOOD REASON)
 
THE BOOK SOLD FOR 86 CENTS- AND HIS TOTAL SALES MONEY ENDED UP IN AN ODD NUMBER.
 
AND THAT IS THE REASON I HAVE A BARN AND INDOOR ARENA BECAUSE THEY GAVE THE ENTIRE ACCOUNTING OVER TO ME-- TO BE DONE AT HOME ( THE BARN SNEAKERS PROBABLY CAUSED THAT)
 
LUCKY?  YOU BET .
***********
 
SO NOW I HAVE ALL THESE NUMBERS TO MAKE  MATCH..  THEY ARE NOT BAD.. I HAVE ROUNDED TO THE DOLLAR-- AND HAVE A $44 DIFFERENCE WITH  A HANDLE OF ABOUT $200,000 
 
 NOW EXPLORE WANTS AN OFFICIAL AUDIT-- WE DO HAVE AN ACCOUNTANT WHO WAVES HIS HAND OVER TH E BOOKS-- BUT IT TURNS OUT THERE IS AN  OFFICIAL PERMIT YOU MUST HAVE TO BE ABLE TO AUDIT A 501 C3 CHARITY..   HIS ACCOUNTING COMPny does not hAVE THAT= BUT HE CAN RECOMMENT  SOMEONE WHO DOES-- AND CHARGES ALOT...
 
SO ALL OF YOU ... IS THERE ANYONE IN THIS CROWD    WITH THAT SPECIAL CPA LICNSE  WHO CAN TRIP LIGHTLY OVER  THE $200000 AND NOT HAVE A HEART ATTACK OVER $44?????
 
THAT IS THE CALL OF THE DAY
ALONG WITH ANALYZING OLIVES EVERY PHART.
 

3 comments:

  1. Carlene--

    Feel free to use PHD after your name. Most academics know that it means

    Piled Higher and Deeper

    Peace!

    K

    ReplyDelete
  2. Carlene:
    PHD could also mean Precise Handler of Danes!

    By the way, I think no matter how you write your biography, it has got to be a better read than any biography written by a "fancy person".

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh, my Lord, Carlene. Special Accountants? Why does this sh*t always happen at the worst times... in this case "Tax Time"? It's gonna be hard trying to get a "special accountant" this time of the year. Good luck, sugar. To Olive, too.

    ReplyDelete